The beginning after the end

I've always been a writer or a blogger in some shape or form. It's always helped me think, figure out my head. I stepped away from blogging during the breakdown in my marriage. But it wasn't just blogging, I stepped away from everything. Myself included. Now in the aftermath of my divorce, I sit here looking around at the life I am left with. Although life is full of our own choices, sometimes the decisions of others carry much weight in the life we can live ourselves.

I started my book in August of this year, and as I wrote it, the more pain I felt around the entire experience. Many people have asked me what has happened, because during the process itself I disappeared. Survival mode. What else can you do when someone is trying to destroy you. It was one day at a time. The sickness of mental illness completely broke down my life, as my ex-husband, the love of my life, became someone I no longer knew. A mad man, completely lost, and out for revenge. How do you protect yourself against someone you love with all your heart, but is now your biggest threat?

And the children. My two beautiful girls. The love and fear they carry. The aftermath. So why now? Why blog now. Simply two reasons. One, I know I am not the only person to loose someone to severe mental illness. However the process is utterly isolating. Secondly, because I've been asked to share my story and life. People think what I've experienced and continue to experience has merit. You never know what the future holds, but we are who we are by the experiences that shape our lives. So here I start a new experience to see what happens.

And I do have a sense of humor, a rather wicked one. I think it kept me afloat during the past year and a half. I'm a very candid, honest person. Probably to a fault. But I'm also very guarded and protected. I'm trying to figure out the rest. Through bad decisions, lousy jokes, and a flood of tears. I'm redefining myself now. Join me.......